


Going Home

by basedphee



Category: Faith (Airdorf Video Game)
Genre: Bittersweet, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Priests, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22742551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basedphee/pseuds/basedphee
Summary: After failing to perform the exorcism of Amy Martin, the survivor of the massacre returns home at last.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. What He Remembers

There was a slight drizzle falling down to Earth as Father Allred drove through rural Connecticut, the deep forests passing by in a jade blur. The windshield wiper gave a small screech at every push, Allred’s car had clearly seen better days.  
John drummed his pen between his fingers staring down at his small notebook trying to distract himself from the maddening sound, but there wasn’t anything to take notes on yet. Hearing that sound over and over would drive anyone crazy but John was trying to find his patience since many of his coworkers had pointed out that he lacked it.

“We’re almost there,” Allred says.

He seems to know where exactly he’s going, John makes note of that along with everything else. He doesn’t know why he’s writing everything down, but it's as if the Lord wants him to have a document of everything that happened.  
Allred was John’s superior and would be leading through the events of this exorcism with John assisting throughout it, yet something felt wrong.

They pulled up on a dirt road, not a driveway, these people lived truly in the middle of nowhere. John stepped out first, anxious to get out of the car then stared at the old house. There was a single window at what he assumes is the attic, someone is staring at him from there.  
Allred begins to walk towards the porch, John quickly catches up with his superiors short old stride tucking his notebook into his pocket.

“Remember, have faith, John. If this girl is truly possessed then we must appear stoic so whatever has this girl cannot grow stronger.”

“Of course.”

“This will be difficult for both of us, the girl’s parents are refusing to let us move her out of the home for the rite.”

“Why?”

He shakes his head, “Only God knows, we must attempt to keep them calm as much as we can. The rite I plan on performing is intense. I doubt they will be able to handle it.”

Allred only took a single step up the porch before the door flew open with who John assumes is the girl’s parents. 

“Are you with the Church?” The man asked, desperate for an answer.

“Yes, I’m Father Allred, this is Father Ward, my assistant,” Allred replies cooly, shaking the man’s hand.

"Bob Martin, this is my wife Cindy,” he says. He doesn’t acknowledge John other than a glance, while his wife clings to him. He was scared, that much is obvious.

Mrs. Martin speaks up, “Please… come inside.”

The couple ushers them inside, they all sit down in the living room but John remains standing simply listening to the parents explain the situation at hand to Allred. John took out his notebook to make another note of the conversation, Amy was the girl’s name and she had been acting out of character for quite some time. She had been volunteering at an Abortion Clinic, making friends which caused her interests to shift. Mrs. Martin was incredibly upset and expressed remorse for failing to pick up on her daughter’s change. John was incredibly apprehensive of Amy’s possession, she was 16 and all that they can document towards her possession is her change of personality. It was a number of years ago but John was that age at one point, a change of personality is normal.  
John could feel another pair of eyes on him, he looked to the left spotting two young boys staring from around a corner in the nearby hall. Allred did mention the girl having siblings, but John didn’t anticipate them being so young.  
He smiles at the boys, waving at them kindly to silently reassure them. They return the smiles before ducking back around the corner. John hopes that they have something to distract themselves from what exactly he’s going to do with their sister.

“John,” Allred says. “Go with Mr. Martin to the attic.”

John nods and walks away with Mr. Martin.

“I… I’m sorry for being rude to you Father. I’m just…” Mr. Martin begins.

“I understand.”

They walk up the stairs towards the attic, and Mr. Martin continues.

“I just returned from being stationed in the Middle East, Amy is not the same girl that she was when I left. Cindy… My wife has been hysterical recently and Amy has been increasingly vile.”

“You’re certain that she’s possessed? She is 16, some children experience change at different rates.”

Mr. Martin doesn’t reply at first, “I… I’ve had to restrain her. She was…”

John nods, this poor man, John only prays that this couple is misinterpreting the changes in their daughter.  
Mr. Martin opens the door to the attic, the single lightbulb used to light the room was shattered with glass shards littering the floor, everything that the family had stored in the attic was strewn around with no concern. Amy was sitting in a chair next to the window, perfectly still and silent.  
She looks up, her eyes are dull and she looks past the two of them.

“Amy…” Mr. Martin says. “Amy this is Father Ward… he’s here to help.”

John steps forward, “Hello, Amy.”

She doesn’t reply, her eyes don’t show any emotion as if neither of them said anything at all. 

John stares at her, “Would you like to go downstairs, Mr. Martin? I’d like to speak with her.”

“O-of course.”

He was gone in seconds and John was alone with Amy.

“How do you feel?”

She blinks.

The air is cold, and John sighs out watching his own breath stagnate in the air briefly. He walks over to a nearby table, setting down his notebook, pen, and crucifix. He takes a quick note before returning his attention to Amy.

“Why did they call you here?” She finally says.

“To help.”

“I don’t need help, John.”

He’s taken aback by her saying of his name, but he remains stoic as he was advised to, “Why don’t you think you need help?”

“Why don’t you stop with the fucking questions, huh? Just do whatever you came here to do, so I can go back to doing what I want!”

John walks to be directly in front of her, observing her. She’s got fresh scabs over strange markings on her skin, a sight that disturbs him.

She laughs, but it’s wrong, it’s not the way a child would typically laugh. John raises his hand, touching her forehead with his two fingers then reciting a small prayer under his breath.

She squirms in her restraints and she begins to scream, “STOP IT!! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP-”

“ _...and those who hate Him flee before Him…_ ”

“SHUT UP!! GO AWAY!!”

John steps back, this is not just a petulant child, he must begin the rite. He turns away from her to retrieve his crucifix from the nearby table.

She pants suddenly speaking sensually, “John… you have such stern eyes… Do you look at your wife that way? Does she like it?”

He stops, he’s thankful that he’s facing away from her so she cannot see his anger. He grips his crucifix while he runs his hand onto his chest to feel the cross on his necklace, he must not be afraid. He takes a deep breath, _he is my Refuge and my Fortress_ , then turns to face her with the same stone face.

“Amy… you must fight it.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“ _As smoke is driven away, so are they driven; as wax melts before the fire…_ ”

" _Mi glutos vian animon!_ " She snarls, recoiling away as John raises the crucifix. 

He blinks at that hesitating before he continues to pray, this brings glee to Amy, “ _Aligxu al ni, John._ ”

“Reveal thy name to me, demon.”

“S̴͖͊ẖ̸͠͠e̴̡̛͜ ̸̥̖̓į̸̬͐s̶̜̬̏ ̵͚̪̾̔͠m̶̟͈͗i̸̿͜n̸̥͓͇̈́̐ẽ̷͜.̴̠̲͖́͝” Amy sneers, her voice is demonic. “H̶̨̳̠̎͊͋ơ̷̧͙̳ẇ̷̺̌ ̶̧̘̏̔͆i̸̦̹̟͒s̷̨̮̝̀͑ ̷̺̼͈̿̀̐S̸͚͒͋ủ̴͍̜s̴̹̻̾̄̑a̵̭͇͉̓̅n̶̢̙̤̅n̵̨͍͖͛̋̾e̶̼̞̓̓͆?̷̨̮̙̉̚̕ ̴̡͔̌̏ͅS̴̯̐h̵͉͜͝ë̶̩͈́̾ ̷̨͖͛ẁ̴͔̱̈́ī̵͉͖̩̓́l̵̻̦͓̑l̴̛͇͗ ̷̧̫̝̔̿j̸̥̆͐́o̵͚̬̙̊͐i̵̞̺̓̑̕n̴͙̓̎͘ ̶̖̅m̸̡̛̈́̀e̷͈̠̗̾̌̕ ̶̢͋̍͐i̷̩̳͆͗n̴̠̼ ̷̬͇̟̀̈́h̴͍̓è̷̖̱̃́ḷ̷̩͈́l̷̼̙͌.̷͚̱͐́̈́͜”

John holds his breath, that’s his mother’s name. He can feel his heart begin to beat out of his chest and his steady grip begins to falter, he cannot do this alone.  
He turns away from her to retreat back to Father Allred, he calls for him from the top of the stairs, yet he hears no reply. His head hangs as his hands grip the doorframe, his heart is about to thunder out of his chest.

“ _I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…_ ”

John turns back to Amy, doing his best to give her a stern stoic look before beginning the rite again.


	2. Home

John’s small house looks like it did 3 months ago, there are small Christmas decorations out still as it was a week ago. Cheers are heard in the far corners of the neighborhood as it’s now New Years Day, 1987, but they’re late as it’s almost 4 in the morning. He had been driving from Yale Psychiatric for hours, he was finally released yesterday 3 months after the events at the Martin home in Connecticut.   
He had to lie. He had to lie to the doctors so he could go home, Amy was possessed and she killed Allred and her parents, she wasn’t just mentally unstable. But it had been determined that Amy was legally insane, and she was to be held accountable for what she did John was able to walk free. Yet he was ruined, the Church used him as a scapegoat for Amy’s possession and now he must work his way back in.  
His eyes are heavy and he still suffers under the weight of his guilt. He lets his bag drop from his shoulder to his hand before he lets it go to the floor, then taking his shoes off so he doesn’t cover the clean floor with the muddy snow from outside.   
The cross he hung on the wall in the living room taunts him, why had God made demons so strong and made men so weak to their ploys? He steps further into his home, he has little regard for his belongings leaving them at the door. 

The clock chimes at 4 o’clock. 

Ah… Karen. She must be sleeping right now. He looks down the hall at the far end of the home, the last door at the end closed. He can hear Amy’s taunting words echo through his head, her mocking of his wife and her screams for her mother.  
He covers his eyes with his hand, no, he cannot bear to be around Karen while he carries this guilt she doesn’t deserve it.  
John walks to the couch, Karen still fluffed the pillows every night clearly, a weak smile forms on his lips before he sits down then falls to his side. He immediately began to succumb to his exhaustion, he had no energy to pray like he did every night at Yale and his eyes closed themselves.

*

Karen opened her eyes, looking up to the ceiling and spotting the cross on the wall above the bed. She hated that thing, it mocks her it’s been mocking her since she heard what happened to John. The police only told her half of what happened out there, she could tell, but she didn’t want to know everything either. That poor girl.

She sat up and the cool metal of John’s necklace was now resting against her skin, he mailed it to her while he was in Yale saying she would need it more. She wore his shirt and pants to bed again, it was becoming too much of a habit now, he wasn’t _dead_ he was just getting help. Her mother told her she was being too clingy, but she was worried sick.  
She gets up, at last, running her hand through her newly shoulder-length dark hair stopping to look at it again in the mirror. She made a face, pursing her lips and squinting at her reflection he probably wasn’t going to hate it but she just felt weird having short hair again.

Ugh… it's already 10! She’s been sleeping way too late as of recently, she was grateful that winter break for the school she taught at lasted a few more days so she could get back into the habit of waking up early. John was always up at the crack of dawn which made it easier, but now…   
Karen left the bedroom giving the cross another dirty look before she walks into the living room, freezing when she spots a familiar mass sleeping on the couch.   
She’ll have to apologize to the cross later.

“John…!” She cries, racing over to him.

His only reply is a small snore, and Karen screeches to a halt then sighs. She kneels down to his level, he’s got bags under his eyes looking like he hadn’t slept in all the time he was away.  
She pushes a strand of hair out of his face, simply staring at him and memorizing every new marking and freckle on him. His eyebrow twitched, and he inhaled sharply before letting out a quick exhale.   
He must be having a bad dream. She would expect as much, after what she’s seen on the news about what happened in that house. He continues to twitch and gasp.

She gently grabs his shoulder, shaking him, “John… John…!”

His blue eyes slowly open then they blink and widen quickly. 

“GAH!!” He screams, slamming himself on the back of the couch in shock. He puts a hand on his forehead, huffing and puffing as if he was running for his life.  
Karen jumps at his reply to seeing her, but he calms down quickly, “...Oh… Karen. I… I’m sorry-”

“It’s fine! Sorry for scaring you, how are you feeling? You’re back faster than you said in your letter, not that I’m complaining but-”

“I overestimated. I’m feeling fine… I guess. Better now that I’m home.”

Karen smiles, and John lets out another deep sigh, before looking over at her, “Is that my shirt?”

She looks away, “...no.”

“You know better than to lie to a servant of the Lord, Karen.” John mocks.

Karen snorts. “Oh please, don’t give me that. Speaking of, do you want the necklace back?”

“No.” He says quickly.

“Good, cause I like it.”

He chuckles briefly before taking another deep breath. 

“What did you dream about? You’re still shaking even now.”

“Allred.” He replies, looking up to the ceiling. “He was crying for help and…”

“John…”

He bites his thumb, “I ran away, you know.”

“I do. The police told me. This might sound horrible but…”

He looks over concerned, and Karen rests her head on the couch, “I’m glad you did. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you…”

She can’t bring herself to finish that, she chokes on her own words then pressing her face down onto the couch to hide her tears. She can feel John pull her in and hold her tightly, she buries herself in his arms taking him in completely.   
John kisses her jaw never once letting up on his hold, the echoes of Amy’s taunts leave his head once he holds Karen this close. 

He lets out a shaky breath, “I missed you.”

“I did too,” Karen whispers into him, she could stay like this forever.

She feels his hand caress her hair before he pulls back to observe it, “You got it cut.”

She puts on a smug smile, “I did indeed. You… Like it?”

“Of course I do,” he says with a smile, hugging her again.

John held her like that for what felt like minutes but could’ve been hours, yet he didn’t care at all. When he opened his eyes, he saw what could’ve been Amy staring at him from across the room, blood oozing from cuts on her face. He grips Karen tighter then blinks, and Amy was gone yet her words called in his head again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karen is a happy lady and she loves her husband and he loves her yay. I'd like to think John is a nice guy, so I just pretend the second game is a lie.


	3. Just Bad Dreams

John hadn’t been able to truly sleep at Yale but now that he was home for a while he had been able to sleep easily. Every night he gave in to sleep within seconds, he felt bad for Karen since he was out so quickly but she insisted that he get as much rest as possible.  
She had settled in for the night, dozing off while he did his nightly readings of the Bible, something he began to do even more after everything.

Karen looks over her shoulder at him, watching him stare at the pages incredibly focused. He was typically incredibly shy about reciting scripture around her, always turning red when she asked if he wanted to pray before they ate and making her turn up the volume on the TV while he practiced sermons in the bathroom so she couldn’t hear. He tried to hide his reading by doing it after he thought she was asleep, but she always knew he was doing it. His modesty was one of his endearing factors to her, yet he hadn’t been behaving that way recently.   
He would just refuse to recite anything if she jokingly asked, which was fine, perhaps the joke was getting a little old.  
She was happy just watching him read slowly, mouthing the words to himself silently.

He eventually noticed her staring, looking over as if she wanted something from him then realizing that she was just watching, which made him blush a little.

She laughs, “You looked so focused.”

“I have to be,” he says. “Reading and reciting calms me it helps me…”

“You don’t have to excuse it, I don’t mind. You can read out loud if you want.”

“All right, just don’t make fun of me.”

Karen rolls over to face him, holding his hand as he reads, “Read me your favorite verse.”

He scoffs with a smile, “My favorite? Oh, that’s a long one…”

He thumbs through the pages with one hand, stopping at a marked page then running his fingers down the thin paper.

“ _He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say this of the Lord He is my refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust._ ”

She listened for as long as she could before she fell asleep, still holding his hand tightly.

John looked over at her once he finished, watching her sleep for a second before leaning down and gently kissing her. He rests his forehead on hers.  
He could feel tears well up under his eyes as he’s reminded of everything that weighs on him. Karen is his anchor, he can’t tell her everything or she would want to run and he wouldn’t blame her. Yet he cannot keep it hidden for forever, one day it will spill and Karen will run in fear, the Church will tell her that everything was his fault and how much of a coward he is and he’ll never see her again.

He lets go of her hand to put his things away before settling in next to her, studying her face with loving eyes, caressing it before he falls asleep.

John opens his eyes mere seconds later, terrified to see the bed empty except for him. He sits up quickly looking around, it was his bedroom yet it oozed the same energy as the Martin home with the same cold air.

“Karen…?”

He stands up, the floor seemed to pull his feet in like mud, making it impossible to walk at a proper speed.

“John…” a familiar voice whispers.

Father Allred is across from him, his skin is deathly pale and his priest collar has been ripped off with black and blue handprints wrapped around his neck. 

John cannot form anything other than small sounds.

Allred steps towards him, “Why’d you run away?”

“I…”

Allred was gone, replaced by a nun with a pure white face and black eyes, she began reaching towards him “Did the devil… make you do it? Did he?”

“No. No! NO!!” 

Amy was there now her face cut up with sigils and pentagrams, “I… BLEED…!”

She clasps her hands around John’s throat, “YOU LEFT ME!! YOU… Y̸̙͒͊Ǒ̷̫̩͋͜U̵̡̗̙̺̻̭͊̈́̎̃̿ ̸̜͉͖̣͌Ḷ̵̛͇̠̪͖͈̼͐͑͛͠Ė̸̖̲̹̹͖̠͉̓͠F̷̮̓͆T̶̙̼̄̾ ̶̪͓̼̋͌͐̋̓͘M̶̝͙̦̱̓̌E̶̙̩̟͂̈̇̔!̷͓̟̹͉̀͂͋́͘̕͝ͅ!̵̨̞̘͍͕̼͆̓̿͂̄͐̈͠”

John grabs at her hands desperately, gasping for air as she strangled him with a wide inhuman grin on her face.

“...hn… John… JOHN!!”

He opened his eyes sitting up quickly letting out another scream, panting heavily with some spit sliding out from the corner of his mouth. 

Karen grabbed at his shoulders making him look at her, “John!!”

He looks at her with wide eyes, pulling away from her in fear.

“John, it’s me! You’re awake it was just a nightmare!”

“Ka…” he chokes trying to bite back a sob, before covering his eyes as he felt tears escape.

She pulls him into her, letting him cry for minutes on end. She continued to assure him that it was just a dream over and over, yet she could feel herself begin to cry at hearing him sob in such fear.   
John gripped her clothing tightly as if she was his only lifeline, and she was. 

“Do you want me to get your book?”

“No...no… I don’t… I don’t want to look at it.” He was beginning to catch his breath now.

Amy rubbed his back, “You haven’t had such a bad dream since you got back… Do you think you should go to the doctor?”

“I just got back from the doctor, I’m sure this will wear off,” John refused to go back, he had to purge his fear and all will be fine.

“I know… but I…” Karen pulls away, struggling to keep her composure already. Her hands tremble as she holds onto John’s shirt. “I can’t stand seeing you so miserable John! You…”

John looks at her feeling helpless as he held her arms in his hands, hearing her cry always broke his heart. He spots his necklace hanging from her neck, the silver cross glinting against the dull lamp of the room. He must not be so afraid, the demons of guilt will only cling tighter to his heart and it will make Karen even more upset. He cups her face in his hands catching her tears in his palms.

“I wish… I wish you never went to that fucking house,” she sobs. “Maybe everything would be better. And don’t say some shit like it's all God’s plan or whatever.”

John sighs, “It's… well… it is. He works in mysterious ways, that much is certain. I… wish I never went either, but I did and I can’t change that. Neither can you. But I have faith that everything will be ok.”

Karen lets out a shaky breath wiping her eyes, “You always sound so confident… How do you do it…?”

John laughs out loud, something that feels incredible to do for the first time in so long, “I’m not sure myself, I don’t consider myself confident at all. I do as-”

“-As He commands. Yeah yeah yeah.”

John then pinches her right cheek pulling on it, “Also you shouldn’t curse like that, at least not when I’m right here.”

“Oh forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!” She cries out mockingly slamming her hands together in prayer. “Forgive me for my horrible sin of using such horrid words!!”

John bites his cheek in an attempt to hide his laughter, he takes her hands, “Oh, the Lord will always forgive, Karen Ward, as He will always love you. Join me in prayer.”

He leans over and begins to whisper a confessional prayer to her, opening one eye to see her staring at him with a smirk.

“I love you,” she whispers.

John blinks then kisses her, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karen didn't leave John haha what're you talking about its fine. They just love each other and make stupid jokes haha
> 
> if this shit doesn't get fixed Airdorf I'm going to go cry violently in the corner

**Author's Note:**

> where the oofs all began


End file.
